Season's Greetings

Christmas has a different vibe in the Southern Hemisphere. Here in Australia, for example, people do decorate their houses with lights, but it doesn't get really dark until some time after 8:30pm.

Christmas music is also a casualty. Jingle Bells isn't really about Christmas (it's just a winter song), which makes it, arguably, doubly silly in the middle of Summer.

To add insult to injury, previous generations of Australians have had a real bug about what it means to be Australian. There's a mix of cultural cringe, a national inferiority complex about being Australian, mixed with a backlash where it doesn't matter if it's crap so long as it's Australian.

The result of this is, naturally, that people have written a bunch of Australian Christmas Carols.

Some of these are quite old, and grow out of the Federation nationalism of the late 19th and early 20th century. However, a number of them came later.

I have a theory that many of those who went to university in the 1970s in particular are members of a "cult of relevance". The main commandment is "thou shalt be relevant". This means that Carols should not mention cold, but should mention heat. At every opportunity.

See for yourself. In fact, if you're not familiar with any Australian Christmas Carols, please skim them before continuing, or you will have no hope of understanding what follows. Just familiarise yourself with the general idea, then read on.

OK, fast forward to Christmas 1999. I was subjected too many times to one particular song (written, I might add, by a member of my own extended family).

Now for those who are unaware, 85% of Australians live in one of about 12 cities. Indeed, 65% live in one of the top five. I've been to more places in Australia than most, and I don't think I've ever seen a bandicoot. Yet this is, apparently, deemed a more "relevant" Christmas image than snow.

\What follows is, more or less, what I wrote in response. It doesn't have a tune yet, but I figure something in bouncy 6/8 that doesn't quite fit the lyrics, since that seems to be part of the pattern.

I would also like to remind people that the contents of this blog is not public domain or creative commons licenced, so please don't redistribute without permission.

The Carol of the Cultural Cringe

The drover rides across the plains.
Westward on he leads his flock,
Through bushfires, droughts and flooding rains,
Past billabongs and deep red rock.
At night by fire he lays his head,
The Southern Cross shines overhead...
Oh, by the way, it's Christmas.

Deep in the bush, the wombats play,
While serenaded by the crow.
The kangaroos, they hop all day.
I emphasise: There is no snow!
The ground is parched; the Sun' harsh rays
Have beaten down for days and days...
And, by the way, it's Christmas.

While here in town, we gather 'round
The barbecue and burn some meat.
In laundry tub the salad's found,
We swat at blowflies as we eat
Together, the Australian way...
And almost I forgot to say
That, by the way, it's Christmas.

Copyright 1999 Andrew Bromage

Merry Christmas!